In a conflict or in a difficult moment in our marriage, we must a right attitude towards each other and keep Jesus as our focus. We must listen to our spouse and not listen to speak but to listen and hear the heart. When we get overwhelmed we can loss that focus and an argument will be the result.. We must sow good seeds with our words and not be accusational. Using "I" not the "you" word. Your marriage is to thrive and grow. Conflicts will happen. If the communication factor is breaking down and resulting in consent arguing then seeking wise counsel to help you to navigate through the problem is best. Everyone wants to be heard. But the key is slow to speak and be quick to listen. Your spouse is not your enemy. Most often, the spouse does not feel he or she is being heard and that is usually the root of the problem. When you need to talk through a difficult or conflict moment, begin with praying together. That helps to keep Jesus as the focus, it helps to cool the situation down, and it helps for each person to listen to the heart of each other and come to a solution.
This you know, my beloved brethren, But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger.
A hot -tempered man stirs up strife, But the slow to anger calms a dispute.
These three purposes will give your marriage a sense of direction, internal stability, and the stamp of God’s design. They will lift your marriage above the everyday, run-of-the-mill relationship and place it on a high and lofty spiritual plane.
Purpose One: Mirror God’s image
After God created the earth and the animals, He said, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; and let them rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over the cattle and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” The account continues, “God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them” (Genesis 1:26-27).
God’s first purpose for creating man and woman and joining them in marriage was to mirror His image on earth. Center your attention on those words, mirror His image. The Hebrew word for “mirror” means to reflect God, to magnify, exalt, and glorify Him. Your marriage should reflect God’s image to a world that desperately needs to see who He is. Because we’re created in the image of God, people who wouldn’t otherwise know what God is like should be able to look at us and get a glimpse.
Purpose Two: Complete each other and experience companionship. Scripture clearly outlines a second purpose for marriage: to mutually complete each other. That’s why God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him” (Genesis 2:18).
Adam felt isolated in the garden, and so God created woman to eliminate his aloneness. Writing to the first-century church in Corinth, Paul echoed the teachings in Genesis 2 when he asserted, “However, in the Lord, neither is woman independent of man, nor is man independent of woman” (1 Corinthians 11:11).
I was convinced that Barbara was “the one,” because I sensed that she could complete me as well as be a wonderful companion. Now, many years later, I really understand how much I need her. The two of us are like a computer and software. Standing alone, the computer and software are impressive, but combined as a team, they can accomplish so much more! And that’s exactly what God had in mind when He performed the first marriage with an original groom and bride named Adam and Eve.
You need each other. You recognize that now. But if you build your marriage according to God’s blueprints, as the years go by, you will really appreciate the genius of how God has custom-made your mate for you.
Purpose Three: Multiply a godly legacy. A line of godly descendants—your children—will carry a reflection of God’s character to the next generation. Your plans for children may still be in the future, but if He gives you a child, you will be in for an amazing adventure.
God’s original plan called for the home to be a sort of greenhouse—a nurturing place where children grow up to learn character, values, and integrity. Too many couples today seem to be raising their children without a sense of mission and direction. They aren’t imparting to them the importance of leaving a spiritual legacy of changed lives. They aren’t evaluating their lives in light of the Great Commission of Matthew 28:18-20, where Christ commands us to preach the gospel to all nations.
One of your assignments is to impart a sense of destiny, a spiritual mission, to your children. Your responsibility as a couple is to make your home a place where your children learn what it means to love and obey God. Your home should be a training center to equip your children to look at the needs of people and the world through the eyes of Jesus Christ. If children do not embrace this spiritual mission as they grow up, they may live their entire lives without experiencing the privilege of God using them in a significant way.
Your marriage is far more important than you may have ever imagined because it affects God’s reputation on this planet. That’s why it’s essential for you to set Jesus Christ apart as the Builder of your home.
I love "Focus on the Family" there are many articles about family and marriages. One, in particular, discusses giving our spouse emotional support. I want to share some insights that I walked away from this article. This article addressed both husbands and wives. However, I walked away with how as a wife, do I emotionally support my husband? If not, why? What can I do to be a better listener and better support for my husband?
Emotions are a gift from God. Just think how dull life would be if we were not able to feel. Giving emotional support to your husband begins by allowing ourselves to listen to our husband, rather if the news is positive or negative. It means celebrating the positive emotions and affirming the negative feelings. To use the biblical phrase, it is "rejoicing with those who rejoice and weeping with those who weep" (paraphrase of Romans 12:15)Because of personality differences; we can sometimes find this difficult. Some personalities are more focused on the negative and that spouse finds it hard to celebrate small or large success, they are already looking for the negative. The husband lashes out because of the negativity, and that can cause division if the husband does not feel there is emotional support for him. Being emotionally supportive will help spouses move closer together.A husband’s negative emotions -such as anger, disappointment, depression or sorrow needs to be affirmed by expressing belief in him. That emotional support helps to allow our husbands to talk it out, affirms the love and the care that he is looking for while going through the difficult time together. As we walk the difficult times out; together we can affirm each other, grow closer to each other and make sure we pray together. That is emotional support! Emotional support makes the difference between success and failure. Are we hearing our husbands, or are we listening with fear? Fear brings in negative thoughts. If there are concerns in positive news, rejoice and celebrate. Talk to your husband about worries but make sure he knows you believe in him. One of the effective ways to help our husbands is encouragement using positive words.
Don’t forget that we need celebrate the positive news with our husbands. That is supporting our husband as well. Many years ago I had a problem of looking at the positive news with the “What if’s) the what if’s are looking for the negative, and believe me if you look you will find the negative. I prayed and asked God to help me to stop looking in the wrong direction but rejoice in the good news. Even with the negative, there is always a positive; it is a choice how we look at it.
Marriage is a journey, and there will always be uncertainties. The most significant thing we can do for our husbands in our marriage is to be supportive and work the uncertain times out together, give the emotional support that is needed. Celebrate together all of the blessings without seeking the negative. The choice is ours. We can make the difference in our marriage.
Preparing for Marriage
Most people don't prepare for marriage. I am not talking about planning the wedding day. I am talking about after the wedding day after the honeymoon. A lot of couples jump into marriage, and off they go hoping for that "Love forever after" not realizing marriage is work. But it is worth every effort.
Once married it seems to be a surprise about their spouse's habits or behavior. As well, their spouse looks at their spouse's habits and now realize they have to live these changes. Some want to bail out rather than run the race; some will hang in with their struggles about the differences. Marriages come with baggage, different habits or behavior. But for one reason or another, couples don't expect the differences. Getting married does not change our habits or behavior.
But don't give up, don't look at marriage as such hard work. It is work, but when both people are willing to work together, it is great fun. There is hope. Hope that can make the distance, hope that can refresh your marriage, hope when both are running the journey together to the end. Hope when you put God first in your marriage, and He is running along with you.
We are all different; we come into marriage with expectations. Some realistic and unrealistic. Marriage is a journey, learning about each other and loving the difference.
Run the race together with God. And if you are getting married? The wedding day is beautiful but prepare for marriage. Know there will be differences. Don't allow the differences to break your marriage. We all have habits or behavior that we can change. Marriage is worth every effort.
Hebrews 12:1 NIV
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,
This is from my morning Devotion on Marriage.
Consider this. God created everything and He said it was all good-except for one-thing. He did not like it that man was alone. But being the good God that He is, He fixed the problem, God created woman and marriage in one feel swoop. Marriage was His idea. Let that soak in. With all the negatives our world throws onto marriage, the Creator of everything says marriage is good.
Ask God to help you clear your heart and mind of the world's view of marriage and to help you embrace His perfect plan for your marriage.
Genesis 2:22 NLT
The the Lord God made woman from the rib, and He brought her to the man.
Romans 12:2 NLT
Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.
Marriage is a commitment. Commitment is an investment in something. People that have invested into something are more likely to work on the commitment to make it workout. In marriage, our commitment is tied in our future together with our spouse. Commitment means we promise to work through difficult times and stay, not just for today but committed to work on our marriage forever. Marriage is hard work and there will be difficult times to face, there will be disagreements, hurt feelings even in good marriages. It is not easy and mistakes will be made through the journey. There is a choice however in our commitment, and there has to be an agreement with both spouses to continually work on marriage. Of course, there are situations where a spouse has no choice but to leave for safety sake or their spouse refuses to work on the marriage all together. But there is always hope for those spouses that want to work on their commitment with each other through counseling, prayer, putting forth effort and allowing God to be the head of the household. Being honest with each other and speaking in love is important. Pray daily with each other that is so important in marriage. Commit to grow and strengthen your marriage together. Look at each other with God's eyes. It is not to late to recommit and work on your marriage. It takes time and as the years go by you will have learned how to handle difficult situations and your marriage will bloom.
As women of God, our first concern must always do what pleases God. We need to know God’s Heart. To know God’s heart, we must read His word then take His word to our Heart and live out God’s word daily. We need to be the wives God called us to be. Proverbs 31 is a great example for women and wives to live out the word of God in our families.
A Proverbs 31 wife isn't perfect, but she loves the Lord and strives to become a wife pleasing to her husband and God. Wives can be godly without being perfect. We will never be perfect, but when we grow more intimate in our relationship with Jesus Christ, we grow increasingly godly in our marriage. As wives, our call is to love, submit, and respect our husbands out of reverence for Jesus. We must prayerfully approach the Lord and ask Him to give us His eyes to see things from His perspective and ears to hear His voice. Proverbs 31 illustrates a beautiful picture of a godly woman. I encourage you to prayerfully take the time and read Proverbs 31. Godliness means "Christ-likeness" to strive to imitate Christ in thought and action.
Our daily lives and the demands on our lives can cause us to loss focus. Let your marriage bloom and let it begin with you.
Lisa Ruiz is the co-founder of Covenant Marriage Ministries; She is the Community Life Pastor at Momentum Church in Crown Point, Indiana. Her passion is to see marriages thrive and encourage women to see themselves as God's perfect helpmate for their husbands. She is passionate about imparting how God sees you and not how we look at ourselves or others see us.